Christmas Time: a burden or a gift?
Here we are again. A few days away from Christmas and New Year’s Eve.
Regardless of the meaning this time of the year can have for us, there are two words that many of us could agree on. They are hectic and challenging. Concerning the first term, even people far from consumerism can have the urge to buy, to do something, to give gifts, to wear nice clothes, to eat special food, to decorate home, to send postcards, to follow certain rituals, and so on. The list is endless, and it’s not strange to feel that there’s something we’re missing out on. It’s no surprise that stress and frustration can arise; and, paradoxically, after all we can end up with a sensation of emptiness.
BACK TO BASIC
Pretending that things go in a different direction could be naive. Nevertheless, we can decide to get back to basics, to the essence, and ask ourselves:
* Do I really need to do/get this?
* Why and what for?
* Is this action aligned with my inner self or am I just trying to fulfil other people expectations?
* What if I don’t do this?
Remembering the old adage “this shall pass too” could also help us see things from different perspectives. Also stop, be still and take time to be with ourselves is more than a lifeline, it can be the most precious demonstration of self-love and self-respect. Above all let’s remember we’re just human beings: there’s no need to be perfect… especially because perfection does not exist.
BIG CHALLENGE
On the other hand, the big challenge of this period has to do with the emotions stirred by being maybe either far from loved ones, feeling the dictatorship of happiness or even having the “obligation” of sharing with unwanted people.
As a consequence, the entire spectrum of emotions, from togetherness, goodwill, and joy to separation, hatred and melancholy, show up, and it looks like we can’t avoid them. In many cases, traumas, and wounds, especially from childhood, show us that the pain is still there.
Talking of family issues reminds me of Bert Hellinger, the German therapist who developed a systemic and phenomenological technique called family constellations, states that even if it seems harsh, reality is never wrong and acknowledging that is the first step to healing.
ORDER AND BELONGING
According to Hellinger there are two key principles that must be respected in every family: order* (who came first has “more rights”), hence the older generation must be recognized by the younger generation, the first spouse by the second spouse, etc.,; and belonging (all family members, past and present, have a right to belong, as the family system does not allow exclusions at the level of the soul).
In this sense, to be in peace with our family has nothing to do with loving or being on good terms with everybody, but rather accepting and honouring the ancestors and the events that took place the way they did. Easier to say, harder to do. In this sense, as Hellinger stated, “Everything is in the service of life.”
WRITE YOUR NEW STORY
For that very reason, this could be the perfect moment to make it different, to turn the page, get rid of the weight of the past, and write a new story… without victims or persecutors.
In any case, only we can allow ourselves to find meaning in the experiences we go through. At the end of the day, like Viktor Franklin, psychologist, and father of logotherapy, said, “everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
We, from Women World, can only wish a Merry Christmas to all of you and a fresh new start, and that our hearts and higher inner self will lead every step of our journey!
Melanny Hernández R. is a copywriter and blog curator at Women World